Move On

I just want to shout to those people who love to dwell on my past, and repeatedly reminded of the person I used to be. Thanks, but no thanks.

Look, I made those mistakes. Yes. I admit it. I bear the consequences. I moved on. Why can't you? Is it because you don't want me to move forward? Is it because you love seeing me get intimidated by you, and you feel the power over me? I personally think that you can never move on because you always expect me to make mistakes. To fall. Then I might crawl to you and beg you to save me. You twisted minded psycho. Get a life.

I, being a cute and amazingly awesome person; hereby vow to always stand to my principles of life which includes never trust those phony people who always try to push me to the limits and make me punch them on the face.

A week away

Its almost the final week of February and that mean only two my favourite things; pay day and MY BIRTHDAY!!!Wohoooo!!!!

P/S: can i have you as birthday present?? Pleaseeee... :p

Setulus Kasih

Imran Ajmain. You might be a loser if you don't know him. He's known for his haunted song "Seribu Tahun". Even I am haunted by it.

After few years, and thanks to technology, I found him again. Cewah gitchuuu. I follow his twitter and Instagram and I found out that he have more great songs other than Seribu Tahun.

So yes. He amuse me. Bila dapat tahu ada showcase, I decided to go. Before this, ada kat Ipoh but I already had plans that weekend. So yes. I made reservations through email, and wait for that day. Seriously though, I am the worst planner ever. Just imagine, I only confirm with my family the day before we went there. Thank God that my sister is a control freak and she already coordinate things. I am just the benefactor. I pay for evrything. Thats my promise to them. Padahal CM yang support. Haha.

So yeah, since I bijak pandai sangat buat keputusan last minute, we had to drive all the way to JB. Bukan la bajet kaya, but I felt guilty la since my brother in law je yang boleh drive. Lenguh pinggang cek oi.. Tapi demi adik ipar yang baik hati, mereka ikutkan je. Rasa lega sangat bila dah sampai hotel.

Fast forward to the event night, I ended up just pakai black shirt, jeans and my so-excited-jumpa-shawl-cheetah-H&M-lagi-gitchuu-tapi-boss-tak-approve. Nak beria melawa pun buat apa. Dah memang comel. *Flip tudung*

Bertolak dari hotel lepas maghrib, ingatkan nak sampai awal since tempat tu pun tak pernah pi sebelum ni. Berbekalkan doa dan waze, hati ni begitu yakin. Tapi, harapan ku kecewa. Pusing-pusing JB sampai sesat kat istana, baru jumpa.

Bila dah sampai, and when I mentioned my reservation, boleh pulak depa cakap tak ada. Hello, I ada confirmation email. Then they replied, "sorry, we overlooked your reservation." Dah tu, dapat la seat kat corner. Okay, sabar.

The waiter then came with the menu and we ordered. I chose chicken chop since I'm not big fan of pasta. And my sis chose pasta. Can't remember what it was. Not that interesting. A bit later, he came back with the bill. I purposely have few cash on me so that I don't overspent. It was a shock that the bill is RM 272 instead of the expected RM 136 for 2pax. I blindly thought that maybe there were some taxes charges or etc. I asked the waiter, "can I pay using debit card?" He literally mencebik kat I and said no. I was like, okay. "Mana ATM paling dekat kat sini? " He hesitated and macam tak tahu. I tiba2 teragak nak check bill tu. And I told him straight, "Eh, I reserve for 2 people. This bill is for 4". Dia boleh cakap, "Eh, tak kak. Memang betul". Am I blind? Of course not. Then I told him to please re-check with the manager. And he came back to me tersipu-sipu malu. Tahu pun salah. Okay then dah 8.30. Tak mula lagi. Even opening act pun tak start lagi. I just want to clarify, being in ERL, belum pernah lagi event kami mula lambat. Everything was prepared beforehand, thanks to my detailed oriented bosses. And plus, I came all the way from KL expecting to get great experience in JB since I never been here before. Of course I felt agitated seeing these people. When the opening act finally perform, I jadi calm sikit. She reminded me of Zainatul, because of her simplicity and coolness. When Imran came in, muka I terus berubah jadi bajet sombong. Padahal malu. Ya Allah, sumpah malu. I wasn't even look at him throughout the show. He mentioned about someone not smiling, then I senyum la sikit. Sikit je. Haha. Ego sangat. I was actually some kind of annoyed that he didn't even look at our corner. Hello? I paid for this show too. Then somehow tiba-tiba dia cakap, "okay la. Saya nak bagi perhatian kat sebelah sini pulak". He turned himself looking at our side and he asked to give him song suggestions. I said, Marc Anthony's song. He sang "My baby, you" and I said no. Sing Ahora Quien. He smiled and said wow great choice. He sang a bit since he didnt remember the lyrics. Dalam hati ni, sumpah macam nak pecah sebab berdebar2 tapi my facial expression was like, "okay, whatever".. Sombong gitchuuu. Haha. Entahla. I was born like that. And sorry to say, even though I like him that much, he is a guy. I can't be praising him, staring at him with shiny eyes. Maybe it's not wrong, but I have my own ego.

Haa ego sangat, terus dapat bala. Handphone menggila. Liplapliplap je on/off. Ambik kau, terus tak dapat secebis memori bersama Imran pun. And again, being the emotional me, I usually let my feelings out. Tapi, tonight is not about me. It's about Imran, entertaining us, his fans. So I simpan dulu emo rasa nak nangis tu. After the show, he said he will wait if anyone would like to take photos with him. Arghh. Rasa frustrated tu ada. My sister was running to lend her husband's phone but I signalled to her from upstairs and said its okay.

Ya Allah.. Punyala nak meletup jantung ni, tapi I keep calm and mustered all my guts and walk to him. He casually said hi and ask me instead, "how do u know about Ahora Quien?" And I was like, "owh.. I love everything about Spanish and one of it is Ahora Quien". And I told him about my phone, bla bla bla. And tiba2 I was like, "well I work with KLIA Ekspres, if you ever gonna use our train service. Just let me know. I would to treat you a trip". He replied, "I always take KLIA Ekspres". Gitchuuu. Tapi I felt dumb je cakap camtu. Macamlah Imran tak mampu. Haha. Tapi apa salahnya pun. I kan marketing team. Its my job anyways.

So kesimpulannya, the night is special solely because of Imran. His voice is amazing. His personality? Very warm, likeable and genuine. I hate over-friendly people on the first meeting. Its fake.Tapi okay la nak say thanks to Big Food sebab sudi jadi event venue. Please do improve on your service and food.

I am happy that on that night, I have done few things I wont normally do.

1) I am so patient that night. Even some people might see me act like a diva, customer always deserve something worth their money. I deal with customer too, I understand the burden of handling them, but if you do the right thing, they can't even argue with you. And please people with kids, please don't drag your kids to night show. Kids suppose to be asleep early. I don't have children, but I have taken care of my nephew and nieces. So I know.

2) Who would've thought that I, a very shy person could walk up to Imran and talk to him? Even I couldn't believe it myself. But at least I have some memory of him kan. Dahla tak dapat bergambar. Mungkin ada hikmah semua tu. Maybe two cute and attractive people can't take selfie together. People can't handle our cuteness. Haha. *flip tudung cheetah lagi*

All and all, it was a night to remember and the best weekend.

P/S: I belajar flip tudung dari Cik Yang :*

Those who accept me at my worst, deserve me at my best.

People might not know this, or may be you, yourself don't even know the fact that of many guys I've met and knew, you're the only one who always have my heart. These are some of the things I love about you.

1) You are fatherly. I guess you're born with it. Always nag at me. But your voice is like music to my ear. ;)

2) A realist. You're like an honest advisor who constantly reminding me that it's okay to dream, but it's better to dream and deliver. Sometimes I am too caught up with my own dreams that I forgot about the reality.

3) Your sense of humour. People around me might say that I have good sense of humour, but you made me doubt it. How do you make me laugh, is a total mystery. Sort of.

4) You got guts. I can be really hard to deal with. No, I AM really hard to deal with. I am stubborn, I always want to get the things I want, and the way how I want it. However you made me change how I see things in life. I learnt that you might not get everything you want, you can only make the best of things you get in life the way you want it. I learnt to embrace life and surprisingly, my boss said I am joyful and always positive. I was never like that before.

5) You remind me of my mother. Both of you are born in August, and seriously, you are totally like her. The way both of you handle house chores, being thrifty, and sometimes you nag like my mom. :p

6) You accept me for who I am. Whether I'm at my best or my worst, you are always there. Even when I'm being grumpy, whiny little brat. Even when I don't have time to spend with you, and even when I left you. You always there.

7) You're a great son and a family person. The first thing that makes me interested in you was because you take care of your late mom when she was sick. I know I can be bit annoying because sometimes I crave for your attention too at that time. I'm glad that you put your mom first. That's how it should be. You sure know how to be strict with me.

8) Its kind of a downfall that you are not as romantic as I am naturally are, but the little things you do is sweeter compared to cheesy romantic things.

Last but not least, I do want to grow old with you :)

P/S: will this count as a present for your upcoming birthday? :p

Work begins with Life

When life give you a lemon, make lemonade. When life gives you wonderful people to work with, you cherish them.

Dearly beloved

I know at times I can be too clingy, too needy, and too attached to you. It is ironic because we are far from each other. Just getting text message from you, made my day. Being together for almost four years, means so much to me. I never really thought someone can stand being with me, let alone a guy like you. You have been with me through it all. You are my best friend, you always been true to me, always been my trusted advisor, always put up with my childish tantrums, always, always be near even though you're not here.

I might never say this to you, but I really hope that if I ever destined to be with someone, I want to be with you. There's so many things about you fascinates me. You have my respect. You look so simple yet so wise. It might not be now, but do bear with me. Just like how you picture me in your future, you're also in mine.

Thank you so much. I pray that Allah will unite us in future. InshaAllah. If its not meant to be, please don't remember me. Its just not fair.

P/S: in the meantime, te quiero mucho.

The Key

I finally found the key. Rasa bersalah teramat sangat terhadap kabinet di ofis terus hilang. I don't even feel the need to sleep. Macam nak terus pergi office and tell Ching Mun. Haha. I'm going to take a good care of this key. Never gonna lose it again. Ever. Maybe berkat surat confirmation kot. Hihi.

The One That Got Away

I don't and probably won't understand how some people can be friends with their former paramour. I would never do that. And I couldn't. Maybe I'm too emotional or anything, but to me it is better to be a complete stranger when things don't work out. It's not like we were married and have kids. That's different.

There's one guy, whom I briefly dated. He was sweet, have a great job, you know, how everything seems to be great at first. He was older, in early 30s. So I thought, hey he's matured. But the downside is, he asked for a lot. It's kind of cool when he started planning the future, with me in it. However it creeps me out when he pop the question. I mean, i'm only 22. I've got so many things I wanted to do. I need to be me. I was never the girl who always wanted to become a wife and a mother. I need to be more than JUST a wife and mother. How can I inspire my future children to be courageous and follow their dreams when I am ignoring my own by leaving everything, get married and settle down in east cost. That's so not me.

Then again, maybe he was not the one. Maybe, the idea of being with him terrifies me. Not that he's scary, but the commitment itself is scary when you don't have the right person to share, and get through it together. So, we broke up. And he still get in touch. Though I don't see the point. It was awkward because we don't really share any interests, he don't even understand my humour, and I really think we better be stranger. I do owe him a favour though. I have to admit that. After him, I realized M is more than I think he is. To think that he's the only person suffers from the break up is foolish. I lost my best friend. I lost the one person who can tolerate my tantrums, and truth is, he's the one that got way. And luckily, I got him back. And will never let him go. As long as he don't give me reason to leave. And keep the ring away. For now.

Yeay

I. Finally got the confirmation letter.

Wooohoooo

6 MONTHS

Dah lama tak update blog ni. Bila dah mula bekerja, masa untuk diri sendiri pun tak ada. Bukan mengeluh, tapi memang tak sedap hati kalau kerja tak habis. Cuti pun berapa kali cancel. Ini kenyataan tau. Bukan sebab nak ampu bos. Kadang-kadang bila tengok bos balik tengah-tengah malam, rasa bersalah nak balik awal. Baik selesaikan kerja mana yang patut. Ini pertama kali aku kerja pejabat yang betul-betul ada sistem, bukan NGO. Asalnya temuduga kerja pegawai kaunter tiket, tapi mungkin rezeki, Bahagian Pemasaran panggil temuduga. Masa temuduga, jujur aku cakap, gementar yang amat. Tapi, penemuduga tu macam tenang. Aku bila gemuruh, memang kadang-kadang ter buat lawak sikit. Nasib baik lah bakal bos aku masa hari tu layan kan je. Lepas seminggu training, aku akhirnya bergelar Marketing Coordinator. Mula-mula macam takut sangat-sangat nak mula kerja. Aku kan macam pendiam, dan tak tahu nak bergaul sangat. Syukur dapat colleague yang sangat membantu. Apa-apa je, aku boleh tanya dan dia akan jawab dari A-Z. Nasib baik masa tu trainee kami peramah, dan aku selalu keluar makan dengan dia. Bila aku dah lama sikit, aku mula bergaul dengan staf department lain since aku kena liase banyak dengan department lain dan supplier. M kata, baguslah, dapat kenalan baru dan boleh dapat pengalaman baru. So, yeah. Little by little aku makin happy dengan working life kat sini. Bila dah lama-lama, makin best. Bayangkan la, masa aku baru masuk 4 bulan bekerja, diorang ingat aku dah lama kerja kat sini. Mungkin aku senang adapt environment kat sini.

Ahad ni tamatlah tarikh probation aku selama 6 bulan. Tunggu confirmation letter. Tu pun kalau dapat lah kan. Tak tahu lah apa pendapat bos dengan prestasi aku. Hopefully, they love having me here as I love being here. Tempat ni memang sesuai sangat untuk aku menimba pengalaman. Apatah lagi syarikat korporat kan. Ala, benda-benda kecil yang kita tak puas hati memang lah ada, tapi itu semua circumstantial je. Bila ada event, and busy, of course lah penat. Tapi bila outcome of the event tu memuaskan, rasa bangga to be a part of the team. Tapi kadang-kadang rasa marah kat diri sendiri, sebab tak pandai nak agihkan masa dengan orang yang tersayang. Kucing pun dah merajuk. Nasib baik M faham. Walaupun bila dia call malam-malam, tiba-tiba aku dah berdengkur, dia kata yang penting spend time dengan Mak. Muka je ganas. Hati sweet. huhu.


P/S: Hoping for the best.

dear you,

i am sorry. i apologize for not being able to be by your side right now. i am sorry for not knowing what to do, or what to say to make you feel better. maybe you shouldn't feel better. i don't know. i have never not knowing what to do in these situations. it's just that you are so special to me that it hurts seeing you like this. i'm afraid if whatever i say or do to make you feel better turn out to hurt you more. i know you prefer to be alone whenever you feel down. but, i don't want you to think that i don't care about you. because i do care. it's okay to cry. it's okay to feel sad. anybody would definitely cry in your situation. she will always be in our minds and forever in our hearts, but if you can replace your sadness, your grief upon her demise, with the thought that she's in a better place, it will put your mind at ease knowing that she rest in peace. 

P/S : i am always here for you.

A.N.N.E

gorgeous je TOP.haha. (tak ada kena mengena)

lama sungguh blog ni terbengkalai. well, i'm living new life now. ada pros and cons jugak. cons nya, rindu kat Anne. haha. Yela, walaupun ada punching bag yang boleh dengar aku membebel, tak sama dengan room mate yang dah tinggal sebumbung selama setahun lebih. Mak pulak yang terlebih concern, macam mana la Anne nanti, siapa nak teman dia makan, bual-bual.. Ala mak ni.. Anne tu famous kot, ramai kawan... Kalau No yang tinggal sorang, lagi la macam nak mati. Dulu pun masa Anne balik awal, aku malas nak makan. Sebab tak best makan sorang-sorang. Nak keluar bilik pun malas. Sebab tak ada orang yang boleh layan borak macam Anne.huhu. Anne nampak je macam budak kaya yang manja. Tapi jiwa dia kental kot. Independent. Tak macam aku. Kalau tak, macam mana dia boleh survive study kat nun jauh di utara? Aku yang study kat KL dulu pun dah menangis kalau Mak tak datang.huhu. 

Rasa macam nak cerita pasal kenangan di P9 *01 A. Sebab best masa tu. Petang-petang bukak tingkap luas-luas bagi angin masuk then baring atas katil bersembang-sembang. Biasa la, kosa kata perempuan kan lebih daripada lelaki, so kami ada je cerita yang nak diceritakan. Tapi tak de la mengada-ada kan cerita kan...kalau aku dengan Anne bersembang, mesti tak sedar masa berlalu.. Bila aku fikir balik, kalau Anne tak tegur dulu sambil menghulurkan biskutnya, tak ada la kitorang kawan kot. Aku kan pemalu...huhu.. Sebab serius aku ingat dia sombong. Mana tak nye, muka dia lagi garang dari muka aku. Tapi, kira dia lagi baik la sebab tegur aku dulukan. Ntah apa2 aku ni, padahal lahir dulu..huhu..

Anyway, yang bestnye kawan dengan Anne ni yang lain dari kawan-kawan aku sebelum ni, dia kira faham la kalau aku tersentap. Kalau aku diam je tak tegur die, nanti die pun datang kat katil aku, "kak huda marah kite ke.." so sweet, padahal aku sentap sebab ingat die marah kat aku sebab die tak tegur aku. Tapi lama-lama aku faham la, kalau die online, memang tak ingat dunia. :P  lain la kalau dia come across something masa die tengah online, yang die mesti nak cerita, for example blog yang ada makanan yang sedap-sedap, yang boleh buat kecur air liur bila tengok masa lapar. Lepas tu ajak masak. Sebab aku ni tak boleh lapar.haha. Lama-lama dah macam custom la, kalau dia sentap, aku pujuk, kalau aku sentap, dia pujuk. Bayangkan, main UNO masa nak tunggu buka puasa pun boleh sentap. Hahahaha. Mungkin sebab lapar, then emo pulak masa main.huhu. Tapi kejap je la pun...

Seriously, yang buat aku rasa macam nak tikam diri sendiri sebab tinggalkan Anne because aku realized dia yang banyak jaga aku selama aku jadi room mate dia. Macam masa kat camping, kaki aku terseliuh and bengkak dia pulak yang kena care kat aku. kan Anne cakap dulu nanti nak tinggal sebelah rumah kite, boleh la kite masakkan untuk Anne every day. Know what? kite tak kisah pun kalau masakkan untuk Anne hari-hari, best pe... Tapi nanti, perut Anne pulak tak tahan sebab terlalu pedas.huhu. Honestly.kte jeles la dengan bakal room mate Anne nanti.. Sebab even life kte best pun, takde geng nak borak-borak macam dulu and yang same taste n faham kte kuat makan. haha. Anyway, hopefully Anne tak lupe kat kte. Memories yang best2 kat kuis semuanya bila dalam bilik or dengan Anne. Bayangkan, semua orang pelik bila budak FPM rapat dengan budak FBMK. Padahal jadual lain-lain, kelas jauh-jauh, tapi nak jugak makan sama-sama..huhu.. Nanti bila kte datang melawat (cewah..) kte bawak lauk banyak-banyak ea..huhu.. Serius, kalau bukan sebab kite tak boleh study dalam suasana kelas, kite memang nak grad dengan Anne. Tapi, dah takdir kan.. Wish you all the best, and always believe you can get dean every sem. GO FOR IT! ahh.. seriously gonna miss you so much, tapi kena buat2 kental walaupun hati tisu.. huhu.. Apapun, jangan Anne lupe kat kte dhla.. Sedih la macam ni... :'(

P/S : Selamat menjalani semester kedua :) ( entah betul ke tidak ayat ni..haha) 

In The Pursuit of Happiness

Assalamualaikum..

             It's been awhile since I last updated this blog. I've been busy. VERY BUSY. I might not look physically busy, but my mind and my heart had been very busy trying to figure things out. The truth is, I am seriously confused right now and I do not know what my heart yearns for. I am a true piscean, and I show my feelings a lot. Whenever I hate certain things, it just shows even when I tried so hard not to show it. Then again, maybe it's because I tried so hard. Maybe I should not think about it. Perh.

            I got a lot of issues. Within my own self. I think I should just be brave and start anew, who cares about what other people might think or say. However, it's not as easy as it seems. I am not a thick-skinned person. I was born and raised as a person who likes being herself even though some people think she is loud sometimes, too timid in certain situations, indecisive when given two great options, and most of the time, anti-social. I remembered when my lecturer asked each of us about our fear, I seriously think I am most intimidated by PEOPLE. HUMAN BEING. I think maybe because I was so naive before and have been deceived for so many times, so many ways, I prefer not to be close with just anyone. There are circle of people who I trust, love and appreciate them for being with a weird person like me. There are also people who I thought I can trust, love and appreciate, but they ended up taking me for granted. Even though it's not nice for me to admit, but I am seriously not a person who can just FORGIVE and FORGET. There might be a day when I can forgive, but I don't think I can ever forget. 

             There are so MANY things I wanted to do. I want to be the best, I want to be good in everything, some people might say, Broadcasters became a broadcaster because they sucks in Maths. I might not get an A, nor I confidently solve Maths question easily, but I am not stupid. I don't think I sucks in Maths. Mr. Teh once said, "you are not good in Maths not because you're stupid, but because you don't do enough exercises". i think if I take my time studying Physics, Add Maths and chemistry back then, I would excel in SPM. Then again, if I excelled, I would not be here and meet great people here who makes me feel better when I'm down. the reasons that makes me decided to be better and try my best is of course, my parents, and my future children. If I am destined to be a mother, I want my children to be a strong, competitive and positive kids who are not just try to do the best for themselves, but also contributes in making the world a better place to live. Someone told me that I like to burden myself. With some sort of idealistic dreams, maybe some of them were unrealistic and sometimes childish. He said I shouldn't forfeit myself in order to please anyone. Just be happy and live your life to the fullest. For me, how can you be happy when you don't have a dream and hope? Those two things that keeps your spirit up each and everyday so that you can just kick those nasty, mean words people said to you, and ignore those evil stare that makes you feel down. I might be a dreamer, but I'm not JUST a dreamer, I'm also try to make all my dreams come true. Guys usually said simple stuff because they thought they are very simple creatures. But, they are not simple. Not at all. Even Super Junior.

             Last but not least, I wish I can keep my head up, ( sorry Max, sorry Yunho) draw a wide, confident smile in my heart so that it will shines through my face. I am getting closer to adding another year in my age, so I guess I should act my age, kan? I will.. Insya Allah I will.. By the way, it's been awhile since I write in English, so I sincerely apologize for any grammatical error or sentence structure.. :)

             

can you bear with me forever? I might get you a gift~~

untitled

"Those who hears, speak. Those who listens, think."

-akuhuda, 2011- 

**************************

Aku tak ada "rasa" untuk besok. May Allah bless me.

oath

Assalamualaikum.

Carcosa Seri Negara

Bila ada orang kata "Oh so sweet" kalau lelaki cakap love you very much, dan macam-macam lagi sumpah setia. Kalau lelaki aku (my man) suatu hari nanti cakap benda yang sama, aku cuma akan kata, "O really? Baguslah. But if u fail to do as what u said dalam sumpah setia tu, I just want to say,

"You'll die very badly"- Colonel Clay, The Losers

P/S : Pengaruh filem aksi. Btw, I mean it. Haha.

baca jela

Assalamualaikum.

KAU DENGAR SINI!!

Sejak masa cuti aku diisi dengan membaca blog Brader LepLep ni, aku rasa betul jugak cakap penulisan dia bahawa kalau ada benda yang terpendam dalam hati, luahkan je. Senang. Tak ada lah rabak sangat nanti. Pergh, terpengaruh la pulak. kahkah. Aku bukan nak kata tulis apa pun, cuma saje nak bagi lapang dada sikit.

Okay lah, memang. Memang aku mula faham bagaimana rasa bila hati pecah atau rabak sejak aku dapat tahu Hafiz dah ada girlfriend. Lawa giler pulak tu. Wuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwu~~~~~. Memang aku bengang setiap kali aku google lelaki idaman aku, setiap kali tu jugak aku dapat setiap seorang daripada diorang tu dah berpunya. Wuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwu~~~~~~~~~~ lagi. Habis, siapa yang nak jadi watak utama dalam angan-angan aku? Tak baik tau kacau hak orang. Dosa. Nampaknya, aku kena google lagi. Bukan apa, kadang-kadang kalau ada inspirasi, rasa senang sikit otak nak berfungsi. haha. 

Aku tahu, kau memang faham apa yang aku lalui ni. Tapi kan, tapi kan, aku tak boleh lah nak jadikan kau watak dalam angan-angan aku tu. Sebab kau real. Aku kenal kau, kau kenal aku. Tak adventure la wey. Lagi kan, lagi kan, aku rasa kadang-kadang kau dengan aku macam tak ngam. Tak ada kimia. Bagai ayam dengan itik. Gajah dengan Badak. Macam sama, tapi tak serupa. Langsung. Kau perasan tak setiap kali kita berbual, mesti ada long pause? Tu bukan awkward silence macam Eric dan Rosie lalui dalam novel Where Rainbows End, tak, bukan. Tu adalah bukti ketandusan benda yang kita nak bualkan. Kadang bila aku cakap pun, kau tak faham apa yang aku cakapkan, dan kau tak faham humor yang aku ketengahkan (ke sebenarnya tak lawak?). Sama la jugak dengan kau. Kau cakap apa pun, aku tak faham. Mungkin aku kena belajar Bahasa Melayu dengan lebih mendalam. 

Aku rasa kau dengan aku mungkin boleh jadi kenalan je kot. Nak jadi kawan macam aku dengan Anne, ermm..Tak kot.. Mungkin kau perlu berkawan dengan orang yang rasa kau exciting, yang seronok nak kongsi cerita dengan kau dan lebih appreciate cerita kau. Bukan macam aku ni. Sorry.

P/S I love myself : Aku rasa baik brader leplep tu jela jadi watak dalam angan-angan aku tu. Dah suka, nak buat macam mana? Jujur je la kan. haha.

Kalau aku cantik dan berbakat macam dia, kan best?

not. in. the. mood.

Assalamualaikum.

hari ni aku tengok muka Adam pun macam biasa je. Tak Hot.

Hari ni aku langsung tak ada mood. Nak buat apa pun macam tak ada feeling je. Rasa macam robot pulak hari ni. Dari dalam bilik, turun ke bawah, tengok kucing. Walaupun Buntuit semakin comel sejak jadi preggie ni, tapi hari ni aku tak rasa macam nak cubit pipi dia. Cuma ada satu waktu je aku sedar aku masih manusia. Waktu lapar. Aku makan jugak sampai kenyang. Bukan apa, nanti tak pasal-pasal ke hospital lagi. Serik aku.

Kenan and Kel. Favourite show aku masa sekolah rendah.

Aku perlu menceriakan diri aku. Online youtube, nak tengok Kenan and Kel. Show yang boleh buat aku ketawa dari dulu sampai sekarang. Tapi, hari ni tak. Selalunya bila tiba waktu Kel sebut favourite line dia dengan orange soda, aku akan ikut sekali. Hari ni, aku rasa eh, tak sedap pun orang soda. Kopi lagi sedap. Sorry, Kel.

Urs, David, Sebastian and Carlos.

Ah, layan lagu lah. Playlist Il Divo dimainkan. Si Tu Me Amas, The Man You Love dan etc lagi lagu. Peh. Dengan suara aku tak tahu which one, akhirnya aku dibuai mimpi. Bangun-bangun je, ceh. Baru 15 minit aku terlelap. Kebosanan masih lagi membelenggu diri aku. Baik aku google je apa-apa, baca. Then, aku start google Ivan The Terrible, then click pulak Lenin dan Stalin, dari situ search pulak Don Quixote dan King George aku lupe la yang keberapa. Baca benda-benda sejarah ni la yang occupy masa aku.

Rasa seronok je melihat masa berlalu sambil minda aku diisi pengetahuan ilmiah (cewaaahh). Tapi tiba-tiba, perasaan itu datang semula. Kenapa? Mengapa? Bagaimana? Ini semua salah bff aku. Perlu ke dia mengingatkan aku?

Argh!! Cepatnya cuti nak habis!!!!!

Ego. and. Differentiate.

nak buat macam mana ea?

Assalamualaikum.

    Bila dapat tahu ada yang tak lepas ke degree dan ada jugak yang kena bayar balik duit biasiswa, buat aku lebih muhasabah diri. Fokus. Sebab kadang-kadang aku ni terpesong fikiran (bukan akidah). Semua benda nak buat dalam masa yang sama. Aku tak ada hak la nak larang sesiapa dari ada boyfriend ke girlfriend ke, yang penting pandai bezakan antara profesionalisme dengan emosi. Aku pun jenis yang ikut emosi. Pernah tak nak datang kelas sebab budak paling annoying dalam dunia ada dalam kelas tu. Tapi, sampai bila kita nak biarkan orang lain mengawal diri dan hidup kita. Aku lawan jugak perasaan tu. Sebab aku nak berjaya. Kalau aku tak datang kelas, kena bar pulak. Dah leceh.

Sama la dengan bercintan cintun ni. Orang yang belum matang dan dewasa memang mengikutkan perasaan dan adakalanya,kawan-kawan. Berapa orang yang sebelum ni tak pernah ada kapel, (mungkin sebab family kawal) bila dah masuk sekolah asrama atau kolej, jauh dari keluarga terjebak dengan gejala kapel ni. Kawan lelaki aku pernah cerita kat aku, salah satu sebab dia nak sambung belajar, adalah nak cari pasangan. Jawapan What The Hell betul. Nak aje aku tampar dia on behalf of parents dia. Tapi, dia lelaki. Bukan muhrim. Tak jadi nak tampar. Aku bukan apa, pantang betul orang fikir masuk IPT boleh cari jodoh. Dia tak tahu ke IPT tu (Institut Pengajian Tinggi). Tempat belajar dan timba pengalaman. It's fun kalau kau cerita pengalaman kat IPT bangun tidur lambat, tak sedar ada kelas, lambat siap assignment and whatsoever. Biasalah kan, tapi kalau cerita kau dating, macam tak best je. Hal personal simpan sendiri la kan. 

Kadang-kadang, kalau nasihat lebih-lebih pun budak-budak yang lahir selepas aku ni ( yang lebih muda sikit ) nanti dia orang kata menyibuk, dengki lettewww, dan macam-macam lagi. Perh. Aku bukan menyibuk hal kau, tapi kalau hal kau tu dah effect pelajaran or to be specific, groupwork, tu dah jadi hal aku la kan. Jangan sampai penampar kena kat muka kau. By the way, aku tak dengki pun. Kalau nak kata orang yang ada kapel adalah orang lawa, cantik dan hot stuff, aku tak nak jadi lawa, cantik dan hot stuff pun. Sebab aku memang cool. Yang penting,aku tak nak jadi murah. Nasihat aku, kalau nak ada kapel sepuluh orang pun, kalau kau guna pakai dua tips ni, serius aku rasa pointer tak akan drop. Dan lecturer tak akan bengang. Ego dan Differentiate. 

Apa tu Ego and Differentiate?

Lek la. Ni bukan formula addmath pun. Maksudnya kau jadi ego dan selfish sikit itupun kalau sayangkan masa depan. Orang yang dah mabuk bercinta ni selalu rasa kehidupan dia macam cerita dongeng, end up being happily ever after. Sadly, tak ramai yang macam tu. At least, bila kau dah tak kapel dengan orang tu, kau masih ada masa depan yang kukuh. Sedangkan orang yang berpuluh tahun kahwin pun boleh bercerai, apatah lagi baru kapel sebulan dua. Ego sikit, bila ada assignment atau kerja yang perlu disiapkan, baik siapkan dulu. Kalau ada kelas pagi, baik tidur jela malam tu dari tahan mata berjaga. Tak guna jugak kalau datang kelas tapi kepala lentok je kan...

Bezakan masa untuk gunakan otak. Sepatutnya 100% la kat study, tapi kalau nak leisure apa salahnya kan. Paling penting, fokus dalam kelas. Kadang-kadang classmate pun menyampah bila phone tak reti nak silent bila dalam kelas. Menganggu orang tahu tak.

Ini lah antara tips yang aku boleh bagi selepas aku fed up baca status budak ni yang asyik keluar kat home fb aku. She should just get married. Tu je yang aku nak cakap.

* adoi..pening kepala aku bila ada orang tanya soal tu..*

Segalanya dah terjawab.........

setenang air laut perasaan aku. kahkah.

Assalamualaikum.

     Hari ni rasa lega sikit. Sebab ada benda yang buat aku tertanya-tanya, dan bila semuanya dah ada jawapan, aku rasa lega. Bukan nak kata aku rasa bagus selepas tahu jawapan tu, tapi lega. Sebelum ni memang nak tahu sangat, hari ni dah tahu, lega.

    Bila dah dapat surat tawaran ni, banyak benda yang aku nak fikirkan. Bukan terpaksa, tapi NAK fikir. Sebab masa belajar Fiqh Islami, sepatutnya bila dah baligh, bukan dosa je yang kita perlu tanggung sendiri, makan minum dan sara diri pun sepatutnya sendiri. Bukan tanggungjawab mak ayah lagi dah. Since aku ni bukanlah berduit nak sara diri sendiri, tapi at least berusaha la jugak nak ringankan beban parents. Paling penting, nak uruskan hal-hal ni sendiri. Umur pun dah banyak, jadi kena sedar diri dan cuba bertindak ikut umur la kan walaupun aku comel. hehe.

    Arghh, since MARA tak biaya course yang aku ambik untuk degree ni, jadi aku kena cari option lain. Paling penting kena buat benda yang mustahil bagi aku. Menyimpan, menabung serta berjimat so that umur aku 30 nanti aku tak ada la banyak sangat hutang. Hidup bila berhutang, memang tak aman dan best.

*bahaya bagitau orang no ic kita..*

Wednesday di KUIS

ni la KUIS. tapi gambar ni mungkin banyak edit kot. hehe

Assalamualaikum.

  Hari ni bukan sembarangan Wednesday di Kuis. Wednesday kali ni kitorang bukan lagi pelajar Asasi (cewwaaaahh). Ala, pergi sebab urusan untuk ke degree. Kena hantar salinan IC, salinan slip SPM dan Transcript result Asasi. Perggh. Untung datang hari ni. Aku dan Anne pelajar asasi pertama dapat offer letter. hehehe. Mula-mula hantar buku mentoring kat box Miss Rini, busy sungguh Miss, tak dapat jumpa. Terserempak dengan Miss Aina. Okay, memang cuak pun sebab aku tak submit video assignment last sem, (haish! mengecewakan). Tapi, dah memang aku yang salah. Terima la balasan kan. Dah tak dapat A. Untung B+, kalau fail? Amboi, tak tahu nak cakap apa. Then, we're off to BPA. Hantar semua benda tu, terus dapat surat tawaran melanjutkan pelajaran dalam bidang Bachelor of Communication (Broadcasting) (HONS). Pergh.

Tak tahan, kena buat medical check up sekali lagi. Adoi, baru lepas kena ambik darah, dah nak kena ambik darah lagi. Nanti la. hehe. Lepas selesai semua tu, jump kawan Anne sekejap, then jumpa Walid pasal urusan tadi tu. Walid ni nasib baik lah dia ni baik, dan dia lebih besar dari aku. Kalau tak, aku dah lempang je dia. Pandai sangat. Geram aku. Dua sem dia dapat 4.00! Haish, tak terdaya aku nak menandinginya. Tak apa, aku ada lagi 3 tahun kat sini, boleh cuba lagi. Tengoklah nanti. hehe. Tunggu Walid dan berborak dengan dia kejap membuatkan kitorang agak lambat pergi jumpa Puan Tini, lecturer comm. sampai je ofis dia, hujan bukan lagi lebatnya. Terpaksalah kami menumpang berborak di ofis Puan. haha. Lama la jugak, dalam pukul 4 baru bertolak balik since hujan dah tidak lagi lebat. tapi, tetap membasahi kami. ececece. Call prebet, lambat pulak akak ni. kitorang dah la tak makan dari pagi ( kesian ). Makan roti dan biskut je sebelum balik. 

Ah, banyak pulak aku bercerita. Anyway, aku rasa seronok la hari ni. Tak tahu kenapa. Tapi, best la. Mungkin sebab hari hujan kot. hehe. 

* Tak sabar nak grad! hahaha*