Assalamualaikum..
It's been awhile since I last updated this blog. I've been busy. VERY BUSY. I might not look physically busy, but my mind and my heart had been very busy trying to figure things out. The truth is, I am seriously confused right now and I do not know what my heart yearns for. I am a true piscean, and I show my feelings a lot. Whenever I hate certain things, it just shows even when I tried so hard not to show it. Then again, maybe it's because I tried so hard. Maybe I should not think about it. Perh.
I got a lot of issues. Within my own self. I think I should just be brave and start anew, who cares about what other people might think or say. However, it's not as easy as it seems. I am not a thick-skinned person. I was born and raised as a person who likes being herself even though some people think she is loud sometimes, too timid in certain situations, indecisive when given two great options, and most of the time, anti-social. I remembered when my lecturer asked each of us about our fear, I seriously think I am most intimidated by PEOPLE. HUMAN BEING. I think maybe because I was so naive before and have been deceived for so many times, so many ways, I prefer not to be close with just anyone. There are circle of people who I trust, love and appreciate them for being with a weird person like me. There are also people who I thought I can trust, love and appreciate, but they ended up taking me for granted. Even though it's not nice for me to admit, but I am seriously not a person who can just FORGIVE and FORGET. There might be a day when I can forgive, but I don't think I can ever forget.
There are so MANY things I wanted to do. I want to be the best, I want to be good in everything, some people might say, Broadcasters became a broadcaster because they sucks in Maths. I might not get an A, nor I confidently solve Maths question easily, but I am not stupid. I don't think I sucks in Maths. Mr. Teh once said, "you are not good in Maths not because you're stupid, but because you don't do enough exercises". i think if I take my time studying Physics, Add Maths and chemistry back then, I would excel in SPM. Then again, if I excelled, I would not be here and meet great people here who makes me feel better when I'm down. the reasons that makes me decided to be better and try my best is of course, my parents, and my future children. If I am destined to be a mother, I want my children to be a strong, competitive and positive kids who are not just try to do the best for themselves, but also contributes in making the world a better place to live. Someone told me that I like to burden myself. With some sort of idealistic dreams, maybe some of them were unrealistic and sometimes childish. He said I shouldn't forfeit myself in order to please anyone. Just be happy and live your life to the fullest. For me, how can you be happy when you don't have a dream and hope? Those two things that keeps your spirit up each and everyday so that you can just kick those nasty, mean words people said to you, and ignore those evil stare that makes you feel down. I might be a dreamer, but I'm not JUST a dreamer, I'm also try to make all my dreams come true. Guys usually said simple stuff because they thought they are very simple creatures. But, they are not simple. Not at all. Even Super Junior.
Last but not least, I wish I can keep my head up, ( sorry Max, sorry Yunho) draw a wide, confident smile in my heart so that it will shines through my face. I am getting closer to adding another year in my age, so I guess I should act my age, kan? I will.. Insya Allah I will.. By the way, it's been awhile since I write in English, so I sincerely apologize for any grammatical error or sentence structure.. :)
can you bear with me forever? I might get you a gift~~
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